At times of quiet, things become clear. This is intuitive to me, yet I tend to forget in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I'm not really certain for the reasoning of the ebb and flow of forgetting and remembering, but I'm closer than ever to accepting it.

I chose this path very deliberately and although I may have been naïve to some of the intricacies, or perhaps just ignorant, I am here now and I have choices. I can live with a negative attitude or I can choose to turn my head to the negativity and look to the positive. How ironic (or maybe not) is it that in my darkest hours of life I was able to find the most positive parts of my spirit? Now that I have adjusted to my new norms and feel decent, the negative shadow parts of me are coming out to play. Honestly it's part of the reason I haven't posted in a while. I, too, find it hard sometimes to find inspiration when there's a lot going on - extra noise - in my life (positive or negative). I have had people ask me how, if I am such a spiritual person who appreciates so much, I still struggle at times. I think the answer is simple really. Life is a flow. A flow of constant information, education, adjustment, ups, downs, etc. To think that anyone is able to hold steady through the flow 100% of the time is preposterous. Hell, even boulders move when the earth shakes them enough. How could anyone expect anyone else to hold steady always and forever - even with a tried and true really strong faith? I know I just don't work like that...

And speaking of faith (while I'm tangential and can!)... I still have plenty of it despite this tough bump I'm encountering. Absolute faith in that my purpose is to love. I've realized (finally) that I go about it in all sorts of ways and that's okay, but I know I'm here to love and be kind to others and even myself. Being kind to myself may be the biggest task on the list for me but is certainly not impossible.

Getting back to my choices. How can I not choose to go the more positive side of the path? Explore and rediscover what's really important to me and live my life with my priority system straight vice floating through an existence. In the meantime, for the negative naysayers I caution that I may no longer allow myself time to be in your presence. This is self-preservation only. I'm easily influenced by negative energy and I know it. It pulls me away from my true purpose and leaves me where I keep finding myself in the middle of the night - not at rest. It's time for me to redirect back to light and love for myself and my children.

So here's to looking up to the light, smiling, laughing, feeling joy, helping others to feel their joy, and loving even if those around me are on a different page. This is MY life. I am in control and I choose to make myself a happier me.