Repost

Doing some reading tonight, I came across the blog post below I wrote last September. I was taken back to that time in my life for a brief moment and quickly snapped back to the present where I fully realize how much I have grown. Sure I have days where I feel "off" or not at ease, but my very core has shifted so much since I originally posted this while on my first solo long weekend to the mountains of western MD. Evolution and transformation are so very powerful, and I am grateful for all I have encountered to make me who I am today.
__________

Journal Entry

Some people come in to our lives and spark recognition in our souls. If you've ever had a sense of deja vu when looking in to the eyes of someone you apparently just met, you know what I mean (and I must say that for me, it was a once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget!).

I believe in reincarnation and also that familiar souls of past lives have a way of automatically clicking and being in tune with each other if/when they meet up in a new realm. This is despite the human experiences that surround the beings.

I am reading a book now that, like so many others, discusses how our partners in life are here to teach us lessons. So often people aren't able to learn those lessons and continue to repeat them time and again in different relationships. This book also discusses how we are mirrors of each other and both positive and negative qualities we see in others are really just those qualities we have in ourselves. If those qualities exist in us and we have healed (or accepted) them, we simply acknowledge them as we encounter them. On the other hand, if we have unresolved qualities in us, oftentimes when we see those negative qualities such as dishonesty, mistrust, etc., this creates an emotional stir. We must learn to embrace our whole - the good and the bad before we are able to learn the lessons, detox from our emotional baggage, and heal ourselves.

So my questions from all of this are - is it possible to meet a soul who you have known over the course of many lifetimes and who is here now to teach you lessons? And can this very same soul and being learn the lessons necessary to move forward to a more spiritually enlightened life too? I think the answers are yes. Something in my being tells me they are...

The content of this post is not something I expect a lot of people are able to grasp or agree with. On a human level, I have trouble understanding it at times. However, when I take myself back to my spiritual realm, it makes a lot of sense. And all I can think is how wonderful it would be to share all of this with someone who truly understands and respects it (and me, for that matter).

Faith. Recently I was asked, by someone who I love very much, how I can still have faith. After all my apparent downs of 2011, believe me - it is not easy. But when I push the extraneous details aside and listen to my core being, I know that the Universe will provide me with the people, circumstances, and whatever else is necessary to enable me to grow, thrive, and live my best life. I trust that I am learning the necessary lessons to move on through my life in a more enlightened manner. It's exciting to consider.

Thank you. To the Universe, to everyone who has put up with me this year (and forever!), to my support people, even to the mountains and waterfalls of MD. You are all beautiful!

"If I had my life to live over, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very few things I would take seriously. I would be crazier. I would be less hygienic. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would have more active troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I am one of those people who live life sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I have had my moments, and if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I have been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would go places and do things and travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would play hooky more. I wouldn't make such good grades except by accident. I would ride on more merry-go-rounds. I'd pick more daisies."
~Anonymous (a terminally ill person)

Found this today and something about it spoke to me. I am humbled and reminded to be grateful for the good constantly working in my life.

The sunrise. There is something so right about me witnessing the sunrise. That is my time to connect and tune in to nature. As a result of observing today's sunrise my day was set in a very positive direction from the start. I am so very grateful.

The way of the universe... by no means have I been feeling as weighed down as I was at this time last year, but there has been a certain level of unease in me lately to put it lightly. As proof to me that I am, in fact, stronger than I credit myself for, I ended up rear ending someone today. No injuries to me or my girl or anyone else involved, thankfully. Just my car. I was very shaken up at the time. I'm a bit more mellow about it now. I hear you, universe. I get it. I am strong. I can take this too.

"Your children will make many demands
upon your time and energy.
'Do this for us
Buy this for us.'
They believe that these things
are what they want from you.
And you may begin
to believe it too.

But what they really want
is your innermost heart,
given in vulnerable, honest love.
This is not given
by doing or buying.
The more you do,
the less gets done.
The more you buy,
the less you have.
But if you reveal
your true nature,
you provide them everything.

Of course there are times,
when I do for my children.
It is often my great pleasure.
But the things remembered,
the treasured moments
of sacred time,
have occurred
in the quiet
of gentle conversation,
and honest sharing."

~from The Parent's Tao Te Ching by William Martin

Sacred sunrises... even while spent in the car.

Watching my girl grow up. When I picked her up today, she had her hair down and something about the tone of her voice, her vocabulary, and her expression struck me and made me pause to take in the fact that she is growing up so quickly. Then she called me, "mom" and that sealed it. I'm usually Mommy. She really is growing up and I absolutely love her and the process.

Running the small rolling hills of Rising Sun while the sun set casting pink light on to the clouds in the sky, breeze lightly blowing, and moon shining too. Simply beautiful and spiritually moving.

Namaste.

This song. It comforted me through the darkest days of my life. I revisited it this morning, and felt a sense of peace.

Child close your eyes it’s time to dream

 Life’s not always as it ought to be

Hope is waiting in tomorrow

There’ll be an end to all this sorrow

Dream

Child dry your eyes, come rest in Me

Wipe your tears born of reality

Loneliness has been a bitter friend

But soon your solitude will end now

Dream

There are arms that long to hold you

To guide and help you find your way

There’s someone who will fight for you

It’s for your love, they pray

Joy will find you in the morning light

Morning’s closer than it seems

It’s time, to put away your hopelessness

Just close your eyes and dream.

A fabulous day with the kiddos. It had its ups and downs between a shattered iPhone, ice cream, skin torn (tore?) off the burn on my leg, playground fun, backyard deer, and general hang out time. All in all, it was a great day.

”I believe that the practice of compassion and love - a genuine sense of brotherhood and sisterhood - is the universal religion. It does nor matter if you are Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, our Hindu, or whether you practice religion at all. What matters is your feeling of oneness toward humankind.” ~Dalai Lama

Reconnecting to my roots spiritually.

Smiles from everyone I made eye contact with today.

Time. It's precious and so many of us tend to spend much of it worried about the future or regretting the past. When all that gets stripped away and I am completely in the moment, that is when I appreciate time the most.

Saw this on FB today...

Life is an echo
What you send out - comes back
What you sow - you reap
What you give - you get
What you see in others - exists in you
Remember life is an echo
It always gets back to you
So give goodness

"Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know" -Pema Chodron

This quote was shared with me today and it resonated with me to the core. So often I encounter people walking through life blind to the unhealthy patterns they perpetuate for themselves - be it unhealthy attitudes, relationships, decisions - the choices are endless. I've been there. Until we learn from the 'wrong' unhealthy ways, we will be caught up in a continuous loop. My opinion is that learning requires introspection, a change in thought processes/beliefs, accountability, and forgiveness in conjunction with application of learned principles. 

______________

Second point to ponder for the day... If I want to teach my child compassion, what's the best method? Is it through demonstration - to live compassionately - or is it a discussion and definition of compassion? Is it by throwing her in to situations with less fortunate people so she can begin to appreciate everything with which she is afforded and understand the social structure? There's probably a combination of methods, and no right or wrong way to do it. I think the one that resonates with me most highly is teaching through demonstration. When she sees me or hears me behaving compassionately, she will more readily apply the same behaviors herself.

Productive conversations.

Hiking (without a knee plant in the dirt!) -  through a thunder storm. Exciting!!

Launching rockets! So bad ass. How have I not done that before today?!

Rainbows.

Lightning storms in the twilit sky. Beauty.

There is so much good all around. The more you look for and acknowledge it, the more you see. I am so blessed to be able to see it. Namaste.

Last year when I ventured out to live on my own, I found a card at the store that I framed that says, "The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind and washed by the water and polished to brilliance by life's strongest storms." I have almost put this card away on a number of occasions, but held off from parting ways with it without really knowing why.

Today I picked up a few new river rocks in addition to some really smooth pieces of glass while sitting out by the bay under the shade of a tree. Afterwards, I put the rocks and glass in the cup holder in my car to bring them home and add to my collection. It dawned on me on my way home how these rocks symbolize all that was and is. They are beautiful after enduring the storms. I, too, am beautiful in this way.

I will be holding on to the card, the rocks, the glass, and the peace I have found. I am spiritually moved and humbled.

Namaste.

Opening up despite it being difficult for me to do so... and maintaining open communication no matter how unnatural it feels for me. It's all part of my personal transformation, sharing the good and bad.


Identifying parts of myself that still need work. I'm definitely a work in progress.

Saving the best for last: seeing the excitement in my baby girl's eyes when she told me she can swim (and having it confirmed by her dad). AND she's also anxiously waiting to lose her first tooth. It has been a big week for us!

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Flowing with my emotions. Happy, sad, excited, overwhelmed, annoyed, content. They're all mine. Fascinating how life can be rolling along without incident for so long and all of a sudden one event opens up a multitude of emotions. This is the ebb and flow an old friend tried to explain to me years ago... I didn't understand at the time, but having lived it now, I fully grasp it.

Participating in the delight of a little girl who is really starting to love the pool (finally!).

Relationship evolution. It's lessons are so powerful, if you notice them and allow them to be.

Owning good reading material. I borrowed The Grief Recovery Handbook from a friend, and worked through the exercises in the book a while back. I highly recommend it to everyone as we have all experienced loss in some form or another through our lives. I now own the book! :-) The capstone includes writing a completion letter to the person whom you are trying to let go (be it someone who died, you divorced, etc.). The letter includes your apologies, your forgiveness statements, and your strong emotional statements (I want you to know...) to the person in question. It's not something you are supposed to share with the person or anyone for that matter. I've worked through this in one situation and felt 100 pounds lighter afterwards. I still have a few more letters to write, but I haven't yet taken the time to do so. It's worth the time it takes to read and work through. There are way too many people in this world who do not acknowledge grief as something that needs to be worked through rather than avoided. Avoidance will only work for so long. [Stepping down from the soap box]

This week is one of peace. I feel it. Quiet. Harmony. Tranquility. Serenity. All are here and readily available for us all.

Namaste.

Finding myself completely lost in the moment during conversations with the kiddos over lunch and painting pottery. It was so enjoyable to be so very present and silly... took my mind off the minutia of life.

Quiet time to reflect on the day. In addition to returning to work and not being completely overwhelmed, I reconnected today with an old friend I haven't spoken to in way too long. It left me with pleasant feelings. Yet another gorgeous (albeit hot!) day. Thank you, universe.

Feeling at ease today. So very grateful for the abundant good in my life. I had a rough negative patch... I am human, after all, but I felt myself turn a corner today. I laughed and smiled more today than I have in a week! :-) Even saw some fireworks as I was driving home tonight. They, too, made me smile.

Unplugging. I'll admit I am kind of nervous for the return to work, but it has been a God-send not to have my BlackBerry attached to me for 5 days. I feel free... able to enjoy this time a little bit more than I would have had I allowed myself to bring home my BB. So very grateful for work and time off! :-)

Belly laughing with my girl when, all of a sudden, the fountains at Longwood Gardens started spraying on us because of the breeze. We both automatically ran from the fountain cracking up. It was so fun. It is really awesome to see her digital photography skills too. She continues to head down the path of artistry. I am so in love with her creativity.