And meaningful words. So very grateful to have saved an email which I re-read periodically and needed to revisit tonight. Just an excerpt but very telling of a friend who loved me unconditionally...

"I hope and pray that I did help you face and overcome your demons. But now you must move on. The world is a wonderful place, with many delightful surprises and much joy -- in even the most challenging of circumstances. Go and discover it all and help others who need your wisdom, grace and strength. Do so with full knowledge that I am so very proud of you, and will cherish the memory of your courage in taking this step for ever."

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kind friendship over the years and across the distance. Your words will forever help to remind me that I am graceful, full of wisdom, and strong. Bless you for calling it out so directly and sharing it with me.

Intense emotion. From the joys and sorrows my mini-me experiences and shares with me on a daily basis to the brief months a soul needed me to help move him from his past by letting go and processing it to his future successful and happy life, I'm eternally grateful. For those experiences, no matter how hard they seemed or may seem at times, are the ones which provide me the fortitude to carry on. I'm going through some tough times emotionally right now and wish I could be stronger but when I think about where I've been and what I experience daily just by being a mom, friend, family member - I know I am strong. My flame is still burning - somewhere deep within. I thank the universe for allowing certain events and souls to make that flame grow and provide me with an appreciation for the times, like now, when it has faded somewhat. It burns and that is all that matters.

When I heard this song a few years back, all I could do was smile and think of my little one. I began singing this to her and we both fell in love. Now as we will soon welcome her little sister in to this world, she tells me this is HER song. Though she will have to share a lot with little sis, I will let her have this one all to herself.

You Were Born by Cloud Cult

You were born into a strange world.
Like a candle, you were meant to share  the fire.
I don't know where we come from, and I don't know where we go.
But my arms were made to hold you, so I will never let you go.
Cuz you were  born to change this life.
You were born to chase the light.
You were  born...

Love your mother, yeah she's s good one.
She'll build you armor; keep you warm as a hen.
The stars may fall and the rains may  pour,
But I will love you evermore.
You were born to make this  right.
You were born to chase the light.
You were born...

Oh my  precious, oh my love, when they come to take me,
I will hold you from  above.
I don't know why we're here, and I don't know how,
But I'm here  with you now, I am here with you now.
Cuz you were born to change this  life.
Cuz you were born to make this right.
Cuz you were born to chase  the light.

Finding fantastic reads like this one:

http://renee-robinson.com/a-letter-to-my-boys-the-real-reason-i-say-no-to-electronics-repost/

It is worth every minute it takes to read. I have regained clarity in to how I want to raise my own girls.

Growth. It's good for the soul.

Memories. They keep the past alive and you are able to choose which ones to relish in.

Health. It just feels good.

Contentment. It's priceless.

Healing. It's constant... can be a struggle, but so worthwhile to experience.

Love. It's my purpose. My only purpose.

At times of quiet, things become clear. This is intuitive to me, yet I tend to forget in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I'm not really certain for the reasoning of the ebb and flow of forgetting and remembering, but I'm closer than ever to accepting it.

I chose this path very deliberately and although I may have been naïve to some of the intricacies, or perhaps just ignorant, I am here now and I have choices. I can live with a negative attitude or I can choose to turn my head to the negativity and look to the positive. How ironic (or maybe not) is it that in my darkest hours of life I was able to find the most positive parts of my spirit? Now that I have adjusted to my new norms and feel decent, the negative shadow parts of me are coming out to play. Honestly it's part of the reason I haven't posted in a while. I, too, find it hard sometimes to find inspiration when there's a lot going on - extra noise - in my life (positive or negative). I have had people ask me how, if I am such a spiritual person who appreciates so much, I still struggle at times. I think the answer is simple really. Life is a flow. A flow of constant information, education, adjustment, ups, downs, etc. To think that anyone is able to hold steady through the flow 100% of the time is preposterous. Hell, even boulders move when the earth shakes them enough. How could anyone expect anyone else to hold steady always and forever - even with a tried and true really strong faith? I know I just don't work like that...

And speaking of faith (while I'm tangential and can!)... I still have plenty of it despite this tough bump I'm encountering. Absolute faith in that my purpose is to love. I've realized (finally) that I go about it in all sorts of ways and that's okay, but I know I'm here to love and be kind to others and even myself. Being kind to myself may be the biggest task on the list for me but is certainly not impossible.

Getting back to my choices. How can I not choose to go the more positive side of the path? Explore and rediscover what's really important to me and live my life with my priority system straight vice floating through an existence. In the meantime, for the negative naysayers I caution that I may no longer allow myself time to be in your presence. This is self-preservation only. I'm easily influenced by negative energy and I know it. It pulls me away from my true purpose and leaves me where I keep finding myself in the middle of the night - not at rest. It's time for me to redirect back to light and love for myself and my children.

So here's to looking up to the light, smiling, laughing, feeling joy, helping others to feel their joy, and loving even if those around me are on a different page. This is MY life. I am in control and I choose to make myself a happier me.