Christmas redefined. This holiday has brought its hardships to me but I was tasked to redefine it and I think I've accomplished the mission. Had a gorgeous pre-dawn run and now I'm ready to enjoy the day with my mini-me and the family. Wishing all a day full of peace and love, no matter what religion you are or aren't.

Namaste.

The last few hours with my mini me before she leaves through Christmas morning. Bittersweet, but I realize my strength through pain. As she departs, my two almost step-boys arrive for a brief visit.

The death of a co-worker's young husband. Events like these cause me to reflect fairly deeply in to my own life. While I know it's nearly impossible to live everyday as if it is your last, it is quite possible and much easier to let go of pain to live more fully in the present.

I have been through a lot in the past three years and in the end, the only person I have yet to forgive is myself. It wreaks havoc on me physically at times and I know that in order to more effectively live my life, I have to let go of some things. However, I still find the "how" of forgiving myself somewhat difficult.

What I must remember is that when my time comes to leave my physical body (and that could be as soon as later tonight), I want the other halves of my most intimate relationships/friendships to be able to say she did well despite the circumstances. She lived, she learned, she adjusted, and she loved to very best of her ability. If I can make that happen, it will make my life well-lived.

My heart goes out to my co-worker and her young son. May the memories of their husband and father remain strong and positive despite his short life in this physical form.

From Science of Mind magazine (Kathy Juline) - these entries are inspiring to me...

"Whatever is or is not happening in your life right now is perfect. You are perfectly okay, regardless of how you are feeling or what you are now experiencing. Take this moment to relax into a surrendered attitude of just letting it all be okay. Settle into the peaceful awareness that nothing is truly the matter. You are alive, and just as you have arrived at where you are now, you will continue to arrive at where you will be tomorrow and the next day. For the present, you are in your perfect place, and you have done everything as well as you have known how to do or been able to do. You are not wrong or lacking. Everything is okay.

Spiritually, there is only perfection, and it is the truth of your life. Perfection means wholeness, and you are inseparable from wholeness. You are not, nor can you ever be, separate from universal unity and wholeness. Realize the truth about yourself and your life. If you experience any resistance to this realization, simply see this resistance as an old, limiting habit and release it.

As you enter fully into an acceptance of the now moment as essentially perfect, you discover a spacious freedom to continue to evolve. A deeply felt awareness of your oneness arises. Right now, everything is perfect in your life, and all is in divine order."

~~~~

"You are alive because you are an essential part of the whole of creation. You are here to bring forth the fullest expression of your true self, and the universe supports you completely in the process of fulfilling that which you have been called here to do and be. Anything and everything that has occurred in your life serves you in this unfolding process. Nothing has gone wrong nor in any way can you be prevented from attaining fulfillment. No matter what may have happened in your life, you are still and always an expression of perfect being, inseparably connected with the whole.

Your journey along the path of spiritual awakening may follow a course with many turns and twists, but you are moving forward with each new experience. Along this journey, you are becoming more deeply conscious of a Presence guiding and directing your steps and of a Power making and remaking your next experience. As you go forward, the way is made straight before you, and the path ahead of you unfolds with increasing joy, peace, and aliveness.

Sensing that deep, true inner self, which is you divine nature more fully expressing, you know that you are at home in the Universe, at home in the oneness of the whole. You are here to call forth the highest that is within you, and it is always there, ready and waiting to be called."

A productive yet relaxing Thanksgiving weekend. So happy to celebrate with family and friends who have become family in addition to preparing for Christmas and doing some shopping. Living room is rearranged and more welcoming and open, making me happy! Simple things... I no longer take them for granted.

Contemplate this by Ernest Holmes...

"What if we are confused and distraught and upset and all out of sorts? What if the pressure of the past has appeared to cloud the sunlight of the present? The past is gone and the sun is shining on the other side of the clouds. And so let us deliberately resolve to change our thinking today, and make up our minds that we can have confidence in life.

No one can be hurt by doing this. We have everything to gain and nothing to lose. We can uproot all the unhappy thoughts of the past, all the thoughts of failure, all the doubts and fears, all the little petty animosities and disagreements, if we really want to. And we can create our own future today just be carefully guarding our thoughts. But how can we do this unless our faith in Life is greater than our fear, unless hope rises triumphant over despair, or until Love cancels everything unlovable?"

Those are some strong words. I am happy to have come across them! Now for some implementation... :-)

Learning to respect the paths of others.

Buddhist Boot Camp wisdom:

"...you can't want something more for someone than they want for themselves... some people simply don't believe in the light. (How could I have been so naive as to not know this before?) It doesn't matter if you shine light in their faces, because if they don't believe in it, they won't see it.

I realize now that it's way more important to open our hearts than our eyes. If our hearts are closed, then it doesn't matter what we're looking at - we would never see everything as it truly is: [beautiful]."

~Timber Hawkeye

This conversation last night:

Mini me: My friend always gets green in school. She has never had a yellow.
Me: But you've had a yellow a few times.
Mini me: It is okay. I now get greens everyday. Bygones are bygones (as she said with a wide sweeping arm motion).

Precious. My baby is growing up way too fast! AND her behavior continues to improve. She is learning manners. Some days parenting is tough, but most days I appreciate every second of it. She continues to be the light in my life. Bless her heart.

Moving away and back toward my spiritual center. So many of the trivial matters of each day consume me and pull me from my core being, but when I am really quiet like I was while out on my run on this beautiful fall day, I feel my center. It is there. It is love. It loves all. It forgives all.

Sitting in church a few years back, a quote supposedly uttered by Jesus was described and resonated quite deeply with me.

"Forgive them for they know not what they do."

I searched for opinions of this quote for fun and wholeheartedly agree with one I read that indicates most people operate through ego and are unconscious. It further went on to quote the following which I find to be true and help shed light on Jesus' quote above.

"Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways - conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural environment."

"If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, and peace."

Simply beautiful and undoubtedly true.

Namaste.

Having the Government shutdown. As sad as a day it is in America to see that Republicans and Democrats can't come to some sort of agreement over the Affordable Care Act which, in turn, delays the FY14 appropriation and continuing resolution and causes the Gov to shut down, it gives me inspiration to vote. Historically, I have chosen (with intention) not to vote. I never necessarily believed in our political system. But this day has lit a fire in me... This country needs a change and I'm going to use my "voice." Won't you consider using yours too?

Beautiful weather.

Some quotes that resonated with me this week...

Don't be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.

~Richard Bach

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than closed by belief.

Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.

It has been quite some time since I posted here. It's not because I do not have inspiration and gratitude working in my life, it's that life has been so full and enriching I must enforce breaks and relaxation so much that I come to the point of almost forgetting this little blog even exists... but I still know it's here. :-)

I find myself in a very richly moving mood today. I have moved through sadness, happiness, indifference, elation, and peace through the morning hours today. My emotions are based on processing many different things seemingly all at once. I've come to a bottom line conclusion out of everything I've processed today. I am so deeply in love with a man who came in to my life unexpectedly and who I tried not to allow to sweep me off my feet. We have both been through so very much in our pasts, but have made significant progress healing from those events. For him this happened before meeting me, but for me - he has helped me through it - more than he even knows. He may just be the only person I have ever fully opened up to, and the miracle of that (in my mind) is that he loves me anyway. Despite mistakes of the past, wild emotions of the present, and just the everyday things, he is devoted to me. For this, I am grateful. This I do not take for granted. Staying true to myself, I will be true to him. I am so very fortunate to have had experienced my past to prepare me for this moment right now, for it is where I am supposed to be.

"You can build your life on what tomorrow brings
And you complicate the simplest things
You can hold your eyes fixed on the prize
And never see what’s in the periphery"

I am eternally grateful for my ability to fully see the periphery. There are beautiful things there. Some days are easier than others, but when the vision is open - wow. I am certain that we all have the capability but we do not all tap in to it. The flip side, or shadow, is knowing pain intimately. In the end, I find myself glad that I am able to experience the full spectrum of what life offers.

A reminder from my mini-me to remember the good. Despite a wicked sunburn she came home from daycare with, she said - "you know what was good about today? I got to go swimming AND I lost a tooth." Thank you to my little one. Love the reminders to look at the good.

Now
- Dave Carroll (Socan)

When there’s no way out there’s still a way through
So don’t give up whatever you do
Surrender to moments and things as they are
From the gaps in your catch-22’s
When there’s no way out there’s still a way through

Chorus:
Cause Now’s all there is
So peaceful and still
In Now you don’t worry ‘bout what’s happened or what will
Cause Now never ends
And Now’s never been
And all of your answers are waiting for you here Now

When your world stands tough and weighin’ you down
And you’ve had enough of this merry-go-round
End your resistance to walls you won’t move
And runnin’ through old déjà vu’s
When there’s no way out there’s still a way through

Chorus

Bridge:
And when you don’t understand
How things got so far away from all you planned
And your life it feels so hard
In your fragile house of cards
Turn to your cornerstone when you’re tired and feel alone
To find your way through

Chorus

"Compassion is love made visible. It is the heartfelt desire to relieve the suffering of all living beings. It arises naturally when we realize our inherent unity rather than focusing on what separates us."

~With One Voice

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
--Fix You, Coldplay

The Office. Great show! I will miss it. :-)

Time off from work... time to think, read, write, and just BE. It's quiet and I am happy.

Feeling deep feelings. From processing the devastation in Oklahoma due to a tornado to my intuition speaking to me and having it validated by someone else to being content, I've experienced all of it this weekend. I'm happy to feel so deeply. I am alive!

Too many good things to list here. Just a great weekend all around. :-)

Hiking through my zen forest. Still <3 Susquehanna!

Having a weekend away! So much to see and do in NYC!! :-)

Waking up to an improvised tune of, "Good morning, Mommy... It's your day!"

I <3 being a mom. Happy Mother's Day!

Singing with my girl. I love her!!!

Jack Johnson. How did it take me so long to find his music?! Good stuff.

Also good catching up with some old friends yesterday in the beautiful weather.

Superb weekend so far... :-)

Enveloping myself in music and just taking in the day! Perfect morning... woke up to my mini-me singing to me, smiled lots, cleaned the kitchen, started laundry, and fell deeper in love with music. I really do LOVE it! Happy day. :-)

LOVE!!!! :)

Walking the Ma/Pa Trail yesterday. What a special time that was. Spectacular day from start to finish!

Good days!! Ones that start off with this...

...And end with hikes in the woods with kids.

What a blast!

Knowing that with every death comes rebirth. Simple and true...

Buddhist Boot Camp FB posts. One led me to this song... How many people could you sing this to?

Found this on a yoga blog and it resonates with me on so many levels...

"Stay with those difficult sensations and face the obstacles before you.  Every time we run away from difficulty we weaken ourselves;  when true adversity faces us, will we have the strength to stand up to it?

Observe what arises in the mind;  what feelings are there?  Have we felt that way before?  What happened then?  Try not doing anything right away – simply watch your mind, notice if there is something deeper, below the surface.  Who is the Watcher, watching the mind race?

Understand over time how this process of observation can help lead us to freedom from the tyranny of our unwanted thoughts.  This won’t happen overnight, the deepest transformations happen slowly and imperceptibly.  We don’t need to direct this process.  Every time we step onto our yoga mat our physical practice, yoked to our breath, will take care of that.  The postures themselves unlock stored tensions, blocked sensations, hidden experiences and emotions and transform them without our conscious awareness.

Let go of your judgement, your expectations!  Life is full of ups and downs;  we can do everything right and still things go south, we can do everything wrong and have things turn our alright.  If we set our expectations too high we are bound to be disappointed.  Set them too low and perhaps we cheat ourselves of the joy of working towards something truly rewarding despite the struggle!"

This BEAUTIFUL spring day which followed a darker day for me. Still processing through grief I didn't even know was still around. Slow going... but days like today help out for sure.

Family time - electronic-free style! Great weather too, I might add. :-)

God In Form Today - GIFT!

Spending some time at Luna's House with the girl scouts. What a great place!

Listening to my little one and her cousin creating a fashion show and playing house. Some of the best sounds around! :-)

Empathy. Although it can be draining, the rewards are great. Sometimes I try to turn it off, but when I hear something that either elevates or breaks my heart, I can't deny my empathy. Feeling for a couple of friends going through tough times. Much love to them...

Spending the day out in Annapolis yesterday. Gorgeous weather! Hitting the road or trail or both for an 8 miler today. :-) Loving the spring weather.

Catching up with a good friend over coffee. I feel rejuvenated -- vibrating at a higher frequency.

Reflection leading me home - soul to soul... Re-reading messages and came across this one. Here's just a  part of it, one of the most beautifully articulated letters I've ever received.

"Climb free and unfettered. When you see an obstacle, look at it as something new to solve. Keep a smile on your face always, and never, never, ever judge yourself to be less than the challenge. You are a remarkable human being, recognize and accept that and move beyond it. It is not sufficient to know your worth, but it is necessary (of course you should not let yourself become complacent in knowing you are worthy).

PLEASE, continue to climb your mountain. Write the story of your life as you would have it written. You have chosen to own it, DON'T EVER give that up again. Make the past just that and STOP trapping yourself in it -- emotionally or mentally. In all things, be mindful of MERCY. Most importantly with yourself. From it comes wisdom, for when you sit in judgement, you immediately blind yourself to all but a particular viewpoint and might miss something."

 

 

Coming across a statement so eloquently describing love. This one resonated with many levels of me...

"Unconditional love does not ask for anything in return. This pure love never creates dependencies or debts. It simply exists. An absolute energy, it never ends. It instantly connects lifetimes centuries apart and promises that all loved ones will be entwined throughout eternity."

~Dr. Brian Weiss

Being amid rocks that are 450-500 million years old. Amazing and beautiful!

Also finding the School of Harmony which is an old junior high school repurposed to house a cafe, coffee shop, music shop, and dance studio. Very cool.

Wonderful weather winter days.

Process. Learning to respect the process of transition in my life. Hard lesson, but worthwhile.

The simplicity in a picture I saw on postsecret.com - a calla lily... accompanied by the words, "I forgive me." Reminded me of the importance of forgiving ourselves and others. A very timely reminder for me. No coincidence.

Feeling stress melt away... resting... being... happy.

Feeling a slow down on this day, the 33rd anniversary of my birth. The years go by faster and faster. Lots of time for quiet and reflection today... maybe some snow later too.

Namaste.

Appreciating gestures - both large and kind. It's not that I was unable to do so at prior points in my life, but I now realize how important it is to not only appreciate them but to point them out as well. I've gone through a lot of transition lately and the steadfast support received by so many in various capacities is not going unnoticed or unappreciated. At times I am overwhelmed by the extent to which I am bestowed these gifts. As stated in a previous post, Cloud Cult sums it up well...

"And when it's my time to go,
I need you to know I love you ALL."

Forever humbled. Namaste.

Doing normal things like cleaning and laundry. Feels like I'm becoming me again, and helping with the transition of moving.

The generosity of others. It goes a long way with me.

Getting stuff done... My girl found a stone turtle decoration today. Turtles always make me think of the popular mantra - slow and steady wins the race.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear

Relaxing mornings filled with the laughter of kids, good food, and time to read. Happy to start another year. Good things are in store... I just feel it!